Because going into an environment where people are absolutely smashed is a great idea for a sober person…

I wonder if anyone really understands how hard it is to be in an environment where drugs and alcohol are being consumed and to not use either. 

It’s not necessarily hard because I want to do those things but it is emotionally and mentally draining. The triggers and constant reminders of what has happened, who you were, who you could be and so much more.

People may look at me like I am boring but I am fucking strong. I’m not sorry for swearing.

I didn’t drink any alcohol, I didn’t touch a drug and I didn’t even smoke a cigarette. The closest to drunk I got was the red wine that was spilt down my jeans by my drunk friend.

On reflection of my choice to go a festival yesterday, why on earth would I go into an environment where everyone is doing the extreme of something I don’t want to do. Am I crazy or am I crazy?

People weren’t drinking to have a nice time. People were drinking to get smashed. They were absolutely lamp-shaded! Everyone. Everywhere. Am I crazy? 

It’s like if you were trying to give up smoking, you wouldn’t go and stand with someone smoking. But it’s as if I went and spent my whole day in a packed smoking area with people chain-smoking.

KELLY, ARE YOU CRAY? GIRL, YOU CRAY! 

Since last night, I have felt in despair. Desperate. Frustrated. Angry. Why have I been dealt this card? When I submerge myself into environments where there is excessive drugs and alcohol, I always face this question. I act as if not drinking or taking drugs is a punishment. Like I am holding myself back.

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP.

By not drinking I am giving myself a chance at the best life possible. I am freeing myself of things that have a negative affect on myself. I wouldn’t feel bad for giving up cake so why do I feel bad for giving up alcohol? It’s ridiculous. I am not being punished, I am rewarding myself with life.

At the same time, I am so proud of my determinism for a better life. I am proud of the determinism to not take drugs and drink alcohol and I am proud of the control I have over myself despite the constant voices in my head arguing and telling me what I should be doing.

It makes me sad because the only reason I think I should be doing those things is because society has taught me that’s what people do and it is the norm.

The decision to stop drinking was the best one I’ve made and I don’t regret it. I don’t miss it. I don’t think about when I’m going to have my next drink. However, I feel like I am really having to question a lot about my life right now. 

So many questions are flying through my head… Like am I going to find a potential life partner who isn’t going to want to get drunk all the time? Will I ever make good friends who aren’t going to get drunk all the time? Are the people in my life right now honestly supporting my decision or are they making it harder? Am I always going to be socialised into a heavy drinking environment? Do I need to be putting up with this shit?

Yesterday’s antics stressed me out so much that I dreamt about drinking alcohol. Ridiculous.

At the end of the day, people have their own lives and their own choices. But I stand by mine. I am proud. So goddamn proud that I am sober. I really love life and I don’t want to die with any regret. So watch this space.

I am sober and I am far from boring.

 

I came, I saw, I conquered and I partied sober bitches.

Ever been out clubbing sober?

I have been out in the last month or so twice and I did not drink or take drugs.

 

The first night out was in a dingy “club” in Gosport where dreams come to die. It’s called ‘Emma’s’. Don’t go.

Anyway, I went out with my aunty who loves a good night out when she’s not being a full time mum to her two young children. Despite not being too bothered whether my aunty drank alcohol, we decided to both be sober. Firstly, we headed to a pub and we bought an energy drink. In fact, we had two energy drinks and sang our hearts out to Christina Aguilera’s Dirrrrrty! After a while, we headed to the local club. This is where it gets interesting.

So to set the scene:

Sticky floors, bad disco lights, a wall to wall packed sweaty room with the ratio of men being way higher than women. Everyone was absolutely wasted. In all honesty, you have to be to go there. I looked around the room and saw the usual faces. Nevertheless, make the best out of a bad situation. We danced, we sang, we were given blackcurrant squash for free and then we left. We got a subway, got a taxi, went to bed and woke up happy and hangover-less. Fabulous.

The second time I went out sober was Saturday night. However, this was with my best friend of over 10 years and we grew up together discovering alcohol, trying alcohol, abusing alcohol and basically partying for a really long time. So to go out with my best friend sober was absolutely terrifying. It made me miss the old times and for a minute, it made me question my choices. But I knew that my best friend supported my decision. I would be mad if I had a drink and it wasn’t worth ruining 5 weeks of sobriety for a couple of hours losing my mind.

We got dressed up whilst dancing to Beyonce and we headed out for town. We went to a pub which played the most awesome throwback tunes and we sang our hearts out whilst awkwardly dancing sat down. I had a tropical redbull and my friend had a double vodka and lemonade. Buzzing.

We had three rounds and then left for Revenge; possibly my favourite club in Brighton. Full of straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transexual, you name it. There is no judgement in revenge and the music is as fabulous as the drag queen walking around in 6 inch heels.

The music was just what we wanted and what we needed. Cheesy throwback pop tunes to fill you with empowering thoughts and happy memories. We danced for a long time and had another 2 rounds in the club. Then around 2am, which is early for drunk people but late for sober people, we headed out to get food. We got a subway, jumped on the bus and headed home. We woke up the next day, got up and spent the day looking around Brighton and enjoying the day. It was such a good weekend!

I have to say that these are the only two nights that I can honestly say I have enjoyed. There is a 90% chance of waking up in the morning after an alcohol infused night out and regretting it. I can’t remember the last time I went out drinking and truly enjoyed myself and these two times, I had a blast.

So here are a few things I have learnt from partying sober:

• Clubs are hunting grounds. Guys tend to stand around the edges watching the girls dancing and getting more drunk. Taking off your beer goggles and watch! It’s fascinating.
• Alcohol really does make people more attractive. Self explanatory really.
• Drinks are either free or pennies if it is not alcoholic. This is my favourite.
• It doesn’t really matter what you look like, it matters how drunk you are. The girls who were more wasted looked more vulnerable and there were approached by the most guys.
• You can still ‘break the seal’. I don’t know if it was the amount of water and red bull I was drinking but damn, I still needed the toilet a lot.
•  No one notices if you are sober which is great if you are worried about being judged.
• Your make-up and hair still looks great at the end of the night. Always great for selfies!
• You are less likely to fall over, cry, break something. Normally, I lose things and come home with multiple bruises. The last two nights that I had went out, I came back in one piece with all of my belongings.
• The whole night is cheap. One night cost me £11. This included three drinks, club entry and money towards the taxi back.
• YOU CAN STILL HAVE FUN.

Basically, I loved it. I can enjoy life without alcohol and to finally be able to do that feels fantastic! A weight has been lifted. So, if you were cautious of drunk kelly, get ready for sober kelly ’cause I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly!