Recently, I keep having dreams of drinking.
Awake, I’m rarely tempted to drink and when I am tempted, I feel strong enough to say no. However, when I’m asleep, I seem to say yes.
I keep having reoccurring dreams of being in an environment where there is alcohol and I have one drink. Suddenly, I feel really drunk and I go into ‘Fuck it’ mode and continue drinking. I end up drunk, not necessarily making any bad decisions but I still feel guilty. People approach me and seem shocked that I’m drinking and that makes me feel like a failure. Also, I am suddenly surrounded by people who are no good for me. People who drink a lot, take drugs, have no ambition, no loyalty, no life.
I wake up feeling sick but I have instant relief that the dream that felt so real was just a dream.
I’ve always been a vivid dreamer and I had no doubts of having dreams like this. I dreamt about drinking when I first became sober but those dreams slowly stopped.
Now, they’re back.
I’m guessing this is because I’m happy. I’m very happy. Is it a way of testing myself?
Either way, it’s not happening. Not yet anyway.
3 months sober bitches!