Today was a really hard day at work but in the end, it was rewarding. This is another reason why I need to become more in control of myself. I look after young children for a living and I would hate for a colleague or a parent to see me as out of control as I usually get. Also, if my reckless behaviour got me in trouble with the law then my career would be over.
Today, I had 4 challenges.
- I was doing some Christmas shopping and I saw a gift my friend would love. Admittedly, I would of liked it too but things are different now. I bought my friend a box set of White Zinfandel Rose. My favourite wine! A thousand thoughts flashed through my head. I usually go out with this friend and I really admire her. The thought of losing friendships crossed my mind. It’s going to happen. Only the real true friends are going to remain in my life and I’ve realised, that is okay.
- I went to pay for my shopping and I saw a friend of a friend buying alcohol. That would of been me. Thinking of it now, I would of been way too excited to consume alcohol and as I was driving home, I thought of all the times I considered fun and all of them included alcohol. I don’t need alcohol to have fun. I don’t want to become alcohol dependant and as I can’t drink in moderation, this is why I’ve chosen Sobriety.
- My best friend text me saying she was going to Spoons. All my friends are back from Uni and everyone is going to meet up, get drunk and celebrate. Everyone but me. Again, I told myself, that is okay. I have plenty of time to go out and have fun. I have only just started this journey and if I give up now, I will begin a hideous cycle again and hate myself even more.
- Another friend just text me asking me if I wanted to go to a club thats just reopened. Saying NO literally killed me. My anxiety is dancing around in my stomach and I’m taking a lot of deep breaths. I love to party. I love to dance. This is going to be so hard. As soon as I have the strength to go out and stay sober, the better.
Every day, I think “I’m not going to need to write my blog today. I’m having a good day” and something always pops up. Life constantly throws challenges at you and this is one of them. I’m 21 years old and this challenge is not going to define who I am or become my life.