This post contains swearing, anger and a happy ending.
I’m angry and I feel like I shouldn’t be. This makes me more angry.
Living in a crappy town, people talk a lot. I’m far from interested in what traitors and ex boyfriends are up to but when I hear some things, I can’t help but feel my blood boil.
I really have chosen some awful ex boyfriends.
One of my ex’s was my best friend. When we got together, I was drinking heavily and severely depressed due to life changing incidents that had recently occurred. He introduced me to drugs and a whole different world that I hate. My weekends contained of sitting in dingy bedrooms or smelly flats when we would get drunk and he would justify drug taking. I left him because he was selfish and I am not a druggy and I don’t want to be associated with people like that or that lifestyle.
Fucking pisses me off.
My last ex. Well he was an upgrade, or so I thought because he had a job and a license (despite being banned for two years for drink driving… good one kelly). He was older and I just assumed he would be more mature. I was so wrong. Little did I know that his life a year or so before he met me was five letters. DRUGS. FUCK SAKE KELLY WHY DIDN’T YOU WAKE UP THEN. He was no way ready for a relationship despite being older than me and when drugs came back into the picture, my life turned upside down again. He was addicted, controlling, paranoid, a liar and a cheater. Everything I thought he wasn’t. How could I love someone so ugly?
To hear that my ex is hanging around with drug taking low lives who have just come out of prison is really fucking nice. I don’t care about him. I did that for too long and all it did was break me down whilst boosting his ego. No. I care about myself. I really don’t want to be known as his ex girlfriend.
I think the main reason I am angry is because I spent so much invested in people that meant a great deal to me and all they did was let me down. In fact, they didn’t just let me down, they royally fucked my life over. I can’t completely blame them, it was my choice to be involved but why did it take me so long to wake up? I spent so much time fighting for these relationships. Whenever I talk to my ex, he tells me about his plans of going on holiday or about his car or about whatever appears shiny and pretty and I actually feel sorry for him. He isn’t a bad person, he’s just a lost soul and he won’t admit his problems which means he will never be fixed.
I NEED TO STOP HAVING RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE I THINK I CAN FIX.
I’m happy because that is all my past.
I am better than drugs and if a guy can’t see that, then they don’t deserve a second of time or energy. I deserve to be happy. I’m not one of these people that believes the world owes me, I get up and go out and fight for what I want.
I am happy. I pity the people of my past and I wish them a good life. I hope they wake up like I did and realise they have one shot at this life so grab it by two hands and run!
I don’t know if I’m acting like this because recently, I have met some really good people and it has restored my faith in the human race. Maybe I’m testing myself. I don’t know but what I do know is that I am worth more than my selfish, dirty, lying ex boyfriends and I WILL be the one who got away!