A belated celebration post!
Thats 5 months, 1 day, 11 hours and 18 minutes.
Thats 21 weeks, 5 days, 11 hours and 18 minutes.
Thats 152 days, 11 hours, 18 minutes and 48 seconds.
Thats 3658 hours, 18 minutes and 48 seconds.
Seriously, what an achievement.
In this time, my life has changed dramatically and I am truly happy.
It’s very strange to actually believe that I ever drank alcohol excessively. I have to look at old pictures to remember what my life was like 5 months ago. Even then it’s still hard to remember the emotions and turmoil I was suffering. I regularly re-read my blog to remind me how much I have achieved and how amazing that is because I forget. I forget that I was consuming ridiculous amounts of alcohol at the weekend. I forget about the people I was associating myself with and what I thought friendship was. I forget about the bad choices I made when under the influence and most of the irrational thinking.
However, I do not forget how awful I felt and I never forget the suffering I was putting my loved ones through. I will never forgot the fight to get here and the enormous amount of pride I feel.
I’m so glad I started this blog even though I rarely write anymore but it is such a powerful reminder of what I have experienced. Reading words like “An unattractive, aggressive, emotional binge drinker” when describing myself or “Hand on heart, I never thought that I would have to stop drinking but also, I never believed I would stay sober.” is a powerful reminder of what I was like and what I believed and felt.
It is so nice to live in reality. I love being able to have dreams and ambitions and even though they were always achievable before, the poison has gone and my rational thinking is back and everything is clear. Everything is possible.
I now know where I stand. I know what I want and instead of making impossible plans to achieve my goals and when failing, going into fuck it mode and getting absolutely wasted, I make realistic and achievable paths.
It is crazy how the mind works and how it can change in a second. My depression is so much more under control, I often forget it’s there. My anxiety still likes to pop up like an old friend as if to say “Don’t forget me” but that’s okay because it reminds me I’m human. We feel emotions and it’s okay to feel whatever I feel because now, nothing is influencing my feelings. My emotions and feelings are sober.
So, a big, long rant of a blog post with no specific point apart front the fact that nothing is impossible when you want it so badly and I am incredibly happy.