My new three very odd verbal habits


1. Inappropriate factual small talk

I have found myself in many situations recently where I don’t know what to say so I end up saying something random or inappropriate to fill the silence.

Example no. 1The Sting Ray

On a date with a guy I have recently met and we end up going to the aquarium in Portsmouth. We’re standing on decking, looking down on the sting rays and it goes silent. So what does my witty mind come up with? “I wonder if they know they’re flat”. Wow. Then when I get a strange look, I proceed to tell the guy that if we saw a clone of ourself, we wouldn’t recognise ourselves as it’s not like looking in the mirror. I probably sounded like a nut job. To be fair, I have always wondered if they do know they’re flat but really Kelly, on a date? Sigh.

Example no. 2Polar bears Dominant Hand

This was also on a date with the same guy. I want to face palm already. We went into a music shop and looked at guitars. He picked up a left handed guitar and told me, obviously that he is left handed. Anything. Anything I could of said but no. I come out with “Polar bears are left handed”. It gets worse. I proceed to tell him that “Left handed people have a shorter life expectancy than right handed people”. Unfortunately, I have just googled the first fact and it is not true. Twat. However, the second fact is true! So I’m not a complete loser.

And if any lefties are reading this:


2. Remaining silent

Saying nothing is almost as bad as saying inappropriate factual small talk. I have met some really decent people lately and since being sober, as I’ve said previously, I really do feel like a different person and its almost like I am getting to know my friends all over again. Anyway… 

Example no.1Depression and mental health

I watched a film with my male friend recently and it was about mental health. After the film, I asked what his opinion of mental health was. Luckily, he had the same line of thoughts as me. Stupidly, I just sat there in silence. Anyone that knows me would say I am quick to stand up for what I believe in and mental health is important to me. The way it is seen in society and the way it is dealt with frustrates me incredibly and as it is something I have experienced in those around me and lived with myself, you would of thought that my mouth would be open and out comes all my strong opinions and beliefs. But nothing. I just sat there and barely said anything.

Example no.2 – Moaning friends

So, I have been very busy lately and things have been very stressful. I can’t go into too much detail in case some one reads this that shouldn’t. Anyway, my friend was moaning about someone. This someone had also been winding me up all week and I had nearly reached breaking point. I don’t like to bitch but when I get wound up, i like to rant. In this case, I just listened. I added a comment hear or there but I didn’t really say much. To my friend, I probably didn’t seem that interested when inside I was thinking “God that bitch drives me crazy as well”. It is very strange for me to say nothing. Very strange.


3. Verbal Diarrhoea

I have been treated a lot recently and I have great manners and can be very polite. A normal response to a gift or a kind action would be “thank you”… nope, not me.

Example no.1Beautiful Flowers

I spent a couple of hours with my male friend. We chilled and watched a film. As we left, he started acting really strange. We left his house and I noticed he had his arm behind his back. I started winding him up saying “What’s behind your back, show meeeeee”.  When we got near my car, he showed me. It was a bunch of yellow roses. They were lovely but my reaction wasn’t that great. The first thing that came out of my mouth was “Don’t buy me flowers!”. Inside my head, what I really wanted to say was “Oh my god, I love them. Thank you so much, you don’t have to get me anything. You are so lovely.” but my stupid brain doesn’t function quick enough so I come out with “Don’t buy me flowers”. TWAT. Honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Luckily, my brain clicked back to reality and I thanked him for the flowers and later, I text him saying how I’m really grateful and I’m not used to being treated.

Example no.2Hand Picked Chocolates

Again, this was with my male friend. We were going for a meal and when we met up, he told me to close my eyes and I have real trust issues with closing my eyes haha… but I did. He handed me a gold box with a ribbon around it and a little paper rose. It was really cute. My reaction wasn’t. Clever Kelly says “Oh my god, why do you keep buying me presents?”. What I meant to say was “I’m so shocked. I love it. Thank you so much”. I am so lucky to have actually met a guy who wants to buy me nice things and take me nice places. I’ve never really had that before. Yet, I keep coming out with stupid verbal diarrhoea that will probably scare him away and make him think I’m an ungrateful bitch.


I apologise to anyone who has to put up with my three new very odd verbal habits. I’m very sorry and I’m working on it.

My first post in a while.

I’ve been so busy and I have missed blogging.




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I have battled with mental health and substance misuse for years and this blog is about my journey. I hope it makes you laugh, makes you cry but most of all inspires you to live the best life you can 🦋

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