I’ve watched a few films recently and in every film, there was alcohol. There’s aways alcohol!
Whether it’s because the character is ‘stressed’ or they drink for a celebration. For some reason, I keep forgetting that I’m sober.
It’s like I’ve got alcohol amnesia or something.
I see the character drinking and I think ‘I do that’ or ‘I love having a drink after i’ve worked hard’. And then it hits me. No Kelly. You used to do that and you used to like doing that.
I get this like weird anxiety feeling. It’s not so much a bad feeling but it makes me feel nervous. I believe this is because everything I’ve worked for and achieved so far is my own doing, obviously with support but I mainly did it myself. I chose to do it. I feel nervous because only I have the choice and power to destroy my hard work. Just like pushing a big red button that says DONT PUSH. I think feeling nervous is a good sign. It shows how much sobriety means to me right now in my life and it makes me remember that I am human.
After the nerves pass, I feel proud and invincible. Again, I have achieved this and there is no way in hell that I would of thought I’d be here. God knows what i’ll feel like in a years time haha! I truly believed I would have to be taken to a centre or have my money confiscated or something drastic to stop me drinking but I just stopped. I admitted my problems, realised they were down to my bad choices and even though these problems had built over time due to traumatic events in my life, it was still my decision to make bad choices. After realising the problems, I seeked help and support. Then, I accepted that my life is going to change in everything I do and it isn’t going to be easy but it will definitely be worth it.
It definitely was worth it.
Stay strong guys!