I’m feeling very overwhelmed and emotional right now.
I worked ’til 5:30. Then, I came home and gave my dad his birthday presents which he was rather happy with 🙂 Then it was GYM TIME!!! I spent half hour on the cross-trainer and it felt great, Exercise really helps me clear my mind. My family had gone to my grandparents house where I joined them after the gym and a shower. Even though everyone was drinking, I felt good and in control. We had a chinese and had a chat about different things, mostly zombies (for anyone who knows me and my dad, we are a little obsessed). Then, I drove my dad home, went to bed and had a GREAT NIGHTS SLEEP.
I woke up around 8/8:30. Unfortunately, I fell asleep and didn’t wake up again ’til midday. I didn’t mind too much because I slept because I wanted too, not because I was hungover and needed too. Then I got up, had a shower, a cup of coffee and I wrote my criminology essay on Lombroso’s theory on criminals. I wrote nearly all of it, just the conclusion left. 1000 words done, 200 left to go. If I was hungover, that would never have happened. Admittedly, this essay was meant to be in Tuesday but luckily my tutor was very understanding about what’s been going on in my personal life. I had the last two weekend to write this essay and I never did… because I was too hungover. Then, I left my essay as my brain began to fail and I went too my mums where I saw one of my current foster sisters and my old foster sister and her husband as well as my mum. It was great. We ordered a pizza and then played cluedo… WHICH I WON TWICE! Then we played The Logo Game and then we played Heads Up (a phone app – it’s a real laugh). I laughed really hard. In fact, I think it’s probably the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time and the whole time, I was…sober. Then I went home and I’m currently sat on my bed watching ‘Kick-Ass’ and writing this.
I had to just face my fears and ring the club I was at last saturday. I left my coat there and I wanted to know when I could get it. I know the manager as she is a parent of a child who used to go to my nursery. She was lovely but told me “you were a mess hun” and that really stung. I know I was a mess and I know she was telling the truth but it was always be embarrassing. The fact I see her nearly everyday on the school run for work and that she knows who I am and where I work is one reason to become sober and gain control again. Gosport is a small town and people talk.
An ex also text me this weekend. I thought we had no mutual friends left but apparently not. Word had gotten back to him how tragic I was saturday night.
It is important to me that I never gain a negative reputation because I am not really drunk Kelly. She’s not cool. I care about myself, my friends and family, my job and my future and alcohol is not going to come in the way of that.
BEST OF ALL, I MADE ALL WEEKEND WITHOUT A DRINK.
I’m feeling great. I did a lot this weekend and saw many people. Alcohol wasn’t needed and this is very reassuring that everything is going to be okay!
THIS IS MY HAPPY FACE