Break ups are really shitty.

I feel like a break up blog is appropriate as I know a few people, as well as myself, who are struggling with this shitty shitty time.

I am a person who feels everything deeply and I have a very good and cruel memory. Today, I have really fought my mind and the overpowering feelings of anxiety and sadness but sometimes, you’ve just got to accept that you’re going to feel this way.

So currently, I am sat in bed. Trying to sleep. TRYING. Yet, I have the lyrics to Ed Sheerans “Photograph” looping in my brain when I really want a sassy Beyonce song but it’s just not happening! Cheers Ed.

I’ve been single for 3 months now. Big deal hey! Sometimes I hear “you broke up 3 months ago, get over it!” and sometimes I hear “you can’t moan, you’ve only been single 3 months!” … To all of those people who think they deserve a bloody medal, the pound shop sell a pack of 10 for £1. Shut up.

Regardless of how long you’ve been single, a break up can leave you with a range of emotions which can be really hard to come to terms with.

You spend so long loving someone with everything you’ve got and then it’s gone. The friendship, the laughter, the tears, the intimacy… It’s all gone. Everything is gone but the memories.

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The bad memories obviously bring a lot of pain and hurt. Unfortunately, so do the happy ones. Because right now, you are not happy. You are in pain and you are remembering a time when you were happy.

A break up can also end on good terms but feelings do not fade as fast as we’d like them too. People move on and this hurts a hell of a lot especially if you are not the first person to move on.

Right now I feel so emotionally sick that I just want to grab a certain someone and never let them go… but I know that the person I want to grab is who they were or who I thought they were. 

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I wish they still loved me. I wish they had the courage to stand up for what they wanted. I wish they weren’t a coward. I wish they were interested in what my plans were and they wanted to join me. I wish they wanted me to join their plans too. I wish they never let me hang up. I wish they never let it get to the point where I was really trying. I wish they didn’t do what they did after, no matter how much satisfaction it gave them. I wish they would just apologise. I wish they stuck to their words. I wish a lot of things.

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but mainly, I hope that soon I fall asleep and have a nice dream tonight. I hope I wake up in the morning ready for the day and I hope the day is ready for me. I hope that I find peace soon and I hope that each day provides me with the strength to keep me pushing forwards. I hope that I continue to never settle for less and to always try to fulfil my true potential, even when the people around me don’t want me to because they can’t. I hope that each time I endure a break up, as it’s more than likely going to happen again, that I have a little more strength and knowledge to know that I still have not met the right person.

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Finally, I promise the next blog post will be much happier than this one and if thats not good enough… here’s a cute koala!

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