After my short list of long heart breaking, soul destroying relationships, I decided that it was time to get to know myself. This was my time. Time to learn to love myself instead of others around me. No one has your back more than yourself.
However, I went out, sober, at the end of last year and met someone.
I like this guy. I’m not saying he’s the one but I’m not going to hold a wall up to stop anything good from happening either.
Good things happen when you least expect it right? I’ve believed this for a long time. It doesn’t mean you have to sit around and wait for things to happen. No, I don’t believe that. I’m a strong believer in going out and fighting for what you want but if you going out looking for a boyfriend or a best friend then you’ll settle for less than you deserve.
After years of my best friend telling me that I should be single and just be myself, it finally happened.
I spent 6 whole months focusing on myself and it was hard. Learning to like who I am was hard when you’ve disliked yourself for so long. However, this definitely became easier when I stopped drinking and stopped associating myself with people who weren’t really my friends.
For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I like myself. The past is the past and the future is infinite.
Right now, I feel like this is who I really am. I’ve finally come out of my shell.
I’ve discovered what I like and enjoy and what I really don’t want to spend my time doing. I’ve realised my potential. I now know what I want to achieve in life and how easy it actually is to achieve it.
I don’t know if this is because I have been through a hell of a lot in my life and some times, it has felt like the world was completely against me but in the end, I won. I came through the other side in everything and now passing an exam or training for a 5 mile run doesn’t seem so difficult.
I used to feel guilty feeling proud of myself like people would see myself as big headed. I used to feel silly liking who I am because it felt like no one else did. Now, I really don’t care.
The real people who care about me with love me whether I succeed at things or not and as long as I try my hardest in life, I can’t be disappointed in myself.
Ever heard of the phrase “No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself”. You need to have faith in yourself for others to believe in you and here I am!
So, I’ve met this guy. I don’t know whether he reads me blog but I’m not going to censor myself!
But just incase… HI JORDAN!
He is lovely and funny and ambitious and hardworking and caring and selfless and handsome.
He is so many good things. I don’t know what the future holds, “there’s always a possibility he could be a mass murderer” right?
Well, I’m done with dwelling on the past, waiting for things to crash and burn. I will no longer look for faults so I can say “I saw it coming”. Sometimes faults can be the most beautiful thing about a person.
What will be will be and nothing will ever stop me living my life again.
Anyone is welcome to be apart of my life but please don’t drag me down to your level.
Stand with me and we will hold each other up when we need to and we walk along side each other on a beautiful journey instead.