So, on 19/07/2015 I decided to have my first drink in just over 7 months and to be honest, it wasn’t very exciting.
I had been battling with myself during those seven months, wondering when I was to have an alcoholic drink again and I think I had built up this ‘first drink’ into something it most certainly wasn’t!
Don’t get me wrong, I do not regret having a drink. Yes, it would of been nice to complete a years sobriety but I didn’t feel like I needed too.
Having alcohol again feels like I’m in a competition and I’ve made it to the next round. I did what I set out to do. I stopped drinking. I battled with the fact my friends were going out getting drunk. I changed my social life. I made new friends. Most importantly, I got to the point where I realised I didn’t want a drink. I didn’t really miss it. It would reach 5pm on a friday and the last thing I thought of was ‘I need a drink’ and that was when I knew I had won.
Now, I’ve broken my sobriety and I could have a drink whenever I wanted. Luckily, I still don’t really fancy one. I went camping with my boyfriend and it was amazing. We had a great time but I had this sudden urge to drink. In the past, when I had gone on holiday or it was a big event, I would just think of alcohol. I associated alcohol with fun for such a long time and I guess going away on holiday was just a trigger to my old ways of thinking. I did have a drink on holiday. I had a few. It was nice and it was controlled and I didn’t need to down anything or have an urgency to feel really drunk.
However, having that alcoholic drink didn’t make my night worse and it didn’t make my night better. I felt I could of easily had a mocktail version or something else to drink and I still would of had a great night.
And I did have a good night. Although, there’s always going to be a downside to it:
- the urge to pee through out the night,
- the dehydration which is just irritating
- and the headache I endured for a few hours the next morning. I had a slight headache and I hate headaches. I had a headache after one fruit flavoured cider. I used to drink ten times that amount and some how I didn’t die?
So, my next challenge really is to know when to drink. I’ve decided it comes down to this:
Am I celebrating something? Is it a birthday? Or am I drinking because I’ve had a bad day at work?
Am I in good company? Do these people care about me? Do I feel comfortable drinking around these people? Do I feel peer pressured?
What sort of day have I had? If I’m not feeling great, physically and/or mentally, will drinking help?
Do I have to get up tomorrow? Can I afford to drink?
By answering these questions, I should be fine. I think I answer them subconsciously anyway. I’m going to be okay and I don’t feel worried at all. Having that drink has actually lifted a massive weight off my shoulders and I feel, from now on, that when I have a drink I am going to enjoy it and appreciate it because it is going to be at the right time for the right reason.