Why hello fellow bloggers! It’s been too long!
(Yes, that is me waving)
I have been super busy and I miss blogging but in a way, I guess it’s a good thing that I haven’t posted in a while because it’s proof enough for me that my life is good.
So, my rant today. DRUGS.
A close family member of mine has recently been away for the weekend and came home today. We have a strange relationship. I love him to death but due to his actions in the past, it can make things difficult between us especially as he has as much emotion as a leaf.
He was telling me about the weekend and how it was boring but last night was fun. Then, he proceeded to tell me “I took so many drugs last night.”
Ok. You know when you see a car crash and you shouldn’t look but you can’t help it. That’s what I felt like in that moment. I didn’t want to know but I kept nodding and saying ‘oh’ and ‘yeah’… so the conversation continued.
“I took some M D N M… something like that, we had it in pill form when we were young… It was good”.
By the collection of letters, I think he meant MDMA.
Now, from past experiences of my own and from being friends with drug users and surrounding myself with that unrealistic lifestyle and the dirty habit, ALL DRUGS ARE BAD.I don’t like drugs, I don’t like to be friends with people who take drugs and don’t want to hear about people raving about how they were “off their nut”. Bit hypocritical? Yeah ok but luckily I had a moral compass pulling me in the right direction and I got out when I could.
Basically, to me, all drugs are bad BUT I was glad my family member said MDMA or m d n m a dgjfdihrod than any other drug.
Although, he now tells me “Yeah that stuff was really good, then we had a few lines of cocaine“.
F O R F U C K S A K E.
Now this family member is suppose to be a role model. He’s supposed to inspire me and push me to achieve my goals. What is this teaching me? In a way, I am lucky to have experienced so many shitty life changing events because I could react to this in the most mature way possible. A year ago, I may have crumbled and then drugs would of played on my mind until I went into fuck it mode, hung around with bad people who could push a habit on me and I most likely would of accepted because I was weak.
Now, this family member is in his late 40’s. I love him to death. believe me, I would miss him if he disappeared but a lot of the time, I really do feel like the adult. I feel responsible for him. He lives alone and he has been single for years. His friends are pretty much in the same boat. He has so much potential as a person and despite some of his actions, he’s not a bad person but unlike me, he doesn’t seem to want more.
I spent years of my life feeling bad for not spending time with him so I’d give up weekends or holidays to see him, when in reality and reflection, my drinking habit has stemmed from a lot of what I have seen in the times we spent together.
Finally, being sober especially, I feel so much in control of my life. I know what I want and I am going for it. Nothing seems impossible. I’m not going to wait around for anyone. This is my life. I only have one shot and I’m going to make sure I have the best life I can possible have.
Pssssst…. 4 and a half months sober!!!!!
Speak soon sobrieters, love you all xxxxxxx