It was okay.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it but I guess I expected something… more.
Like a first kiss, it’s never how you expect.
No fireworks, no fantastic feeling, just a sour taste in your mouth.
I decided that after 7 months and 4 days, I was ready. It was my boyfriend’s birthday, I had just finished work for my summer travels and I’d also just completed two 5k race for life runs. My life is how I planned and it is so different to how it was a year ago. Most important, I am happy.
My boyfriend, as he is a bar tender, made me a cocktail. It had lime juice, pomegranate, soda water and Havana Rum with ice. It tasted very refreshing but the alcohol seemed very strong. My taste buds were very aware of what was in my mouth!
I drank my cocktail and after watching my boyfriend make his, I asked if I could make one. So I did. It has passion fruit, orange juice, tequila, triple sec and ice. When my boyfriend asked if I wanted to drink it just like that I said “I’ll add the soda water otherwise I’ll drink it too quickly”…
That was when I realised, I had achieved my goal. I had changed how I felt about alcohol. Before, I would of necked it and made another within a few minutes. In fact, I probably would of made a horrendous cocktail with the strongest spirits I could find and then I would of have necked it. Yuck.
We took the drinks upstairs to bed and relaxed whilst watching a film. My boyfriend fell asleep and I finished my drink. There were still no fireworks but that was okay. That was more than okay.
I don’t want fireworks. I don’t want to love alcohol. And I don’t. I want to appreciate alcohol and have a drink at appropriate times for the right reasons.
I could of continued my sobriety but for the last month or so, I have felt I didn’t need too. There have been times when I have gone to a pub for a friends birthday and I’ve really fancied a drink but as it got later into the night and I realised I was in a run down pub n Gosport, would I waste my money on a drink I didn’t really need?
That right there is proof enough that I have done it. I have broken my irrational thought pattern of ‘I feel shit, lets have a drink’ or ‘I need alcohol to have a good time’.
I have had the best 7 months and 2015 is definitely going to be the best year yet. I have so much to look forward too!
But I must go! I’m just about to leave for a camping trip with my boyfriend 🙂