I haven’t posted in a long time but I have been ridiculously busy!
So, long story short, I started drinking again for my boyfriend and best friends birthday’s just before my travels to Europe. I didn’t plan on drinking a lot in Europe but if anyone knows anything about tours and a company called Topdeck, its basically there to get you drunk. I felt in control and I had an absolutely great time. There were one or two nights where I had too much to drink but hey, I’m learner again and as soon as I realized this, it put everything into perspective even more. I feel more in control than ever.
The real reason I am writing this post is because I went out in the town where all my drinking drama happened. My friend invited me down to spoons, a cheap place to drink, and there were a mix of friends going so I thought why not I have nothing else to do?! If I didn’t go I would of sat in and stared at the list of Uni choices I have before driving myself crazy.
Anyway, I went and I drove. I decided I didn’t really care to drink but I would have one. I picked my friend up as well as another friend and we went to town. It was all good… for a while. I could of predicted what would of happened but I really didn’t want that to be true.
Firstly, an ex boyfriend was there. I didn’t even notice until my friend pointed out. I was going to go over and say hi, I mean we were over years ago and I am well and truly past that, until he walked past with his friend who stopped and made a comment as if to be like YEAH I KNOW SHES HERE. Seriously? If I’ve grown up why haven’t you?
Then, there were a few people there who I guess were friends or acquaintances in the past. Some I had a few problems with and some I didn’t but again, all of the pathetic minute arguments that occurred were years ago but yet, I was still made to feel awkward. Why is saying hello back so hard? Or maybe they’re just rude?
Then, as everyone got more intoxicated and I didn’t, I realized how much this wasn’t me anymore and how much I hated where I was. I really didn’t want to be there. Girls who were clearly just 18 were staring me up and down, there were groups of guys all trying to be louder than each other. Everything was a competition.
The worst thing was it was all the same people. I stopped drinking in December 2014 and it is now September 2015. That’s nearly a year ago and the same people are in the same pub doing the same thing as they were a year ago.
So, I left and now I am sat in my car writing this blog and I couldn’t feel more at home. I don’t want that life anymore. No way in hell. If I’m going to drink, it’s going to be in a welcoming environment where I feel safe with people who I love and care about.
It makes me feel so proud of where I am. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think I am any better than those people I saw tonight but I am just glad that I have bettered myself. This time next year I will be off to University and starting a career and a life for myself. To be honest, I can’t wait!!!!!
Dream. Believe. Fight. Achieve. 