IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE!
AND CHRISTMAS IN LESS THAN TWENTY MINUTES!… so I better write this fast.
Christmas eve started off great. I went with my mum to pick up our food for christmas dinner and I was in a great mood. This year we have M&S christmas dinner which is awesome. Especially as last year we had tesco’s. Proud of you mum!
Then something from my past came to haunt me and I felt like crap. I felt like having a panic attack and I couldn’t stop shaking. Normally, when something negative comes up, I would plan to go out that night and get very messy drunk. Out of control.
I thought about it but instead, I sat with my mum and thought things through. I then went and saw my friend Alex and then I went to my nan’s house and saw my family.
When shit hits the fan, having true friends and family around you makes such a difference. I still feel awful for what happened and I can continue to feel awful for a long time but that’s going to change nothing. All I can do is learn from it and continue to move forward into the future.
I gave my friend a lift tonight to the pub… I AM SO GLAD I AM SOBER.
He was reminiscing over waking up with sick on his bed last christmas eve and not knowing where the sick came from. Okay, so that is disgustingly hilarious but I’m glad that I am going to wake up in bed with my snoring mother. Even though the foster girls won’t want to get up, I will jump on their beds proceeding to tell them its MISTMAS DAY ❤
I watched a film with my mum tonight. “It’s a Wonderful Life” and what a wonderful film! It was very long but I absolutely loved it. My foster sister went upstairs because “I don’t like black and white films” so I watched it with my mum. Such a great story!
If you haven’t watched it, add it to your bucket list!
What I learnt from that film is that even though I have felt a burden many times in the past and I’ve had very dark moments, if I never existed, so many lives would be different. I would never have influenced the people I’ve met in my life. The experiences I’ve had with friends would never of happened. My parents waking up on christmas excited to give their daughter presents wouldn’t of happened. My ex boyfriend may have never gotten that C in Science. My best friend may never have rolled around on the beach drunk on holiday. My mum might never have become a foster carer.
YOU GET THE PICTURE RIGHT?
Everyone is important, even those who break your heart and betray you. Everyone and everything is a lesson. I don’t regret meeting anyone in my past even though I’ve met some horrible people, I don’t regret anything that has happened to me even though I’ve experienced awful things and I don’t regret any choices I made because at that moment in time, all those things meant something to me and if they never happened, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.