Today, there was an incident which left me feeling insecure and worthless. The incident was so stupid, it probably wouldn’t be classed as an incident.
Anyway, I was with my boyfriend and suddenly, I felt like crap. I felt ugly and not good enough. My boyfriend didn’t know I felt like this but at the same time I wanted him to reassure me I was amazing (why we think men are mind readers, I don’t know).
For the next hour, I wasn’t quite myself. I drove my boyfriend to work with this little incident going over and over in my head. I was debating whether to be honest with my boyfriend and tell him why I was being a little quiet. I decided not too. I dropped my boyfriend off at work and off I drove with Meghan Trainor.
For a second, I wondered whether I should text my boyfriend. Maybe an apology for my silence or something. Then, I pulled my big girl panties on and decided the reality.
1. My boyfriend probably didn’t even realise anything was up. He was happily singing along pretending to be Billie Joe Armstrong and messing around with my spotify. In all honesty, he probably didn’t notice.
2. If I told my boyfriend what was up, his answer would 90% never be good enough. It’s not his fault but how is he supposed to read my mind and know what my perfect answer is? It’s unrealistic.
3. The only person who is going to make me feel happy again is myself. I know that if I carry on with my day and rationally think about what happened, I’d be fine.
The truth is most of us look for others to make us feel complete.
We want others to tell us we’re clever and beautiful and amazing but why? We can rely on a single soul to tell us we are beautiful every day but what happens when that person isn’t there anymore? What happens if they hurt us? Then we will start to doubt ourselves when in a perfect world, it shouldn’t be like this. It should be that we are the only ones to push ourselves up and we have ourselves to thank when we finally achieve our goals. No one else. And if those people that we lean on eventually let us down, we can just cut the strings and let them float away without tearing us apart.
There are far too many people these days believing that they aren’t complete without a significant other or the approval of others. I want to grab those people on the shoulders and shake them silly.
It’s hard to be this confident, believe me, I have horribly down days where I wallow in self pity in my bedroom under my duvet.
HOWEVER, love yourself. You are who you are because of the life you’ve lived. If you don’t like it, change it? If you do like it then be proud. Everyone is an individual. Everyone is different. This makes every single person special. I’m special. So, if my boyfriend decides to leave me for this girl who made me have a minute mental meltdown then so be it because I am amazing and it would be his loss.
Give yourself some credit. Love yourself.