Being an ambitious person with strong morals, high standards and strong emotions is a gift but also a curse.
It means that the people who stay in your life are truly amazing and you love them dearly but it also means that you have to say “hi and goodbye” to a lot of people. And this means sadness, anger, frustration and what feels like wasted time.
Instead of letting these people go and getting on with my life happily and free of those that reduce the quality of my life, I blame myself.
A lot of the time, I am proud of my strength and my determination for a good life. I love my morals because I treat those how I want to be treated and I won’t accept any less. I refuse to settle. I refuse to be used or played or lied to. I don’t have time for negative energy in my life.
Yet, there is a small part of me that blames myself for when things go wrong. Despite it being my decision to say goodbye, I still feel guilt. I feel guilt for having high standards. I feel guilt for wanting better. I feel guilt for believing that I can be happier without that person.
AND HOW FUCKING BIZARRE IS THAT. I feel guilty for wanting to be happy?
So, I sat and experienced guilt for 15 minutes before telling guilt to fuck off.
I don’t feel guilty.
I feel frustrated for wasted energy and time. I feel sad for putting energy into something that didn’t want my energy. I feel angry for blaming myself despite trying. I feel excited for my future. I feel relieved for being honest. I feel proud for appreciating my self worth and doing what was right for me.
But I do not feel guilty.
Because I should never ever settle for less and neither should you.
If someone is meant to be in your life, they will be in it. If you push them away, they will pull you back in. Regardless of hurtful words said or upsetting actions or even just disregard for feelings, if someone wants to be in your life because they value you as an individual, they will sure as hell be in it.
Not everyone you let go is a bad person and sometimes, that makes it harder but again, this does not mean you have to settle.
Just because they are a good person does not mean they are obliged to stay in your life. If they don’t bring you happiness, laughter, kindness and sometimes tears, then they aren’t worth it. If they aren’t consistent or loyal then you can say goodbye. If they aren’t interested in your life then stop listening to theirs.
This may sound selfish but it’s not because I am sure that like me, you would do all of those things for other people. So why should you be a back-up plan or a second choice to a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, family member… anyone.
So don’t settle and be strong enough to let go of those who aren’t worth your time because who you are is not a curse, it’s a blessing.